Monday, April 2, 2012

Mediums, Messages, & A Multinational.

The media, it is often griped, is a tool of major corporations to manipulate the little guy. A tool used to sway the average individual into conformity, into purchasing, into holding a particular point of view. Biased news networks, exaggerated claims in commercials, cross promoted product placements, bought and paid for bloggers; it often seems that there is no media avenue into which the multinational businesses have not sunk in their claws for the purpose of controlling the message. If the medium is the message, and if multinationals control the medium, then it would seemingly stand to reason that they thus control the message.

But they don't, not always.

The following is a entry is a series of events which has developed over the last week and which demonstrates that while major corporations may in fact control the mediums, they do not have full control over the messages being sent through them. This post is a tale of how the little guy can stand up to a multinational corporation -- one of the largest and wealthiest in the world -- armed only with a basic understanding of how to use the various mass mediums, can send a simple message nationwide and force a monolithic business empire to back down into surrender. The little guy is me, the corporation is Microsoft, and this is my story:

It began on a Monday afternoon, I was casually browsing around the internet when I stumbled across a small story about a blogger named Sahas Katta which had been posted on the social news aggregation website, Reddit. Sahas is gadget enthusiast and heads a small technology blog called Skattertech, and what neither he nor I knew at the time was that his story -- one which my own would so closely mirror -- was about to go viral across the breadth of the internet. It is important to note at this point that Reddit is more than just a social news aggregation site to those who use it regularly, it is a community. It is a gathering of similarly minded individuals in which unlike most other locations on the web, the users (known as redditors) tend to generally care about the welfare and well-being of their fellow redditors. Write a post about how you've lost your job and have any interview coming up and a fellow redditor will offer to dry clean and lend you a suit for an interview. Write a post about how you haven't eaten in days as a struggling college student who was mugged walking home from the library over the weekend and prepare for a barrage of pizza, Chinese, and Mexican food delivery people to show up at your door courtesy of your online peers. There is even an annual Reddit Christmas gift exchange in which members anonymously exchange presents with one another across the globe. 

So, it was in this spirit of community (as well as, if I am to be fully honest, the desire for free stuff) that I read Sahas Katta's story and hatched a plan to extract a bit of justice on his behalf. His story -- which has since  been posted on his blog and can be read in full here -- thanks largely to the reddit community went viral and was picked up by the major technology blogs and news outlets ranging from Engadget and Gizmodo to Time and Forbes and became widely known as the "Microsoft 'Just Because' Blunder". Essentially, his story boiled down to this:
I headed down to the Santa Clara Microsoft Store this morning after hearing about the Windows Phone challenge. For those not familiar, anyone who completes a task faster than a Windows Phone on their own smart phone can win a $1000 Special Edition Laptop assuming they meet some standard terms and conditions. Those who “get smoked” by a Windows Phone, have the opportunity to trade in their existing device for Windows Phone. My Challenge was to bring up the weather in two different cities.The one who could do that first would win. I felt like I struck gold since I knew I already had two weather widgets on my home screen: one for my current location (San Jose, CA) and another for Berkeley, CA. After a three-second count down, I hit the power button on my phone and said “DONE!” out loud. I excitedly thought I won out of pure luck. However, I was quickly told that I lost. I asked for a reason and was told Windows Phone won because “it displays the weather right there.”  After pressing for a better reason, I was told that Windows Phone won “just because.” 
The Reddit community, myself included, was furious over this incident as it appeared as though one of our own had been cheated out of a prize that he rightfully had won. 

It should be noted here, that several hours after this story went viral, and with the Reddit community and half the internet up in arms over it, Microsoft  stepped in and offered Sahas the laptop as well as a Windows Phone in an attempt to quell the story and stop the PR nightmare which had begun to unfold because of it. This mea culpa by Microsoft however, occurred after I had already set the gears of my own plan well into motion.

As mentioned, I had read Sahas story and had begun looking into the Windows Phone Challenge to see exactly what it was all about. I studied the rules and was initially stunned at how lacking they were; Microsoft had set up a PR contest which was offering a $1,000 laptop to any winners with almost no regulations governing the phone of the contender. Any tech freak, such as myself, who was simply willing to take a look at the guidelines would almost instantly come to the realization that the contest was easily winnable with a little bit of prep work and cell phone re-programming. So that is exactly what I set out to do...

The original rules (That I thankfully had foresight enough to screenshot) can be seen HERE
The updated rules (As the challenge is being extended and Microsoft realized its error) are HERE

There was no deceleration in the original rules which stated the phone had to be unrooted (rooting is a process of altering the software on Android cell phones which allows for an extreme amount of modification) or could not be customized and set up for the challenges before walking into the Microsoft Store to participate in the contest. So, with no real restrictions in the contest tying my hands, I put them to work programming and modifying my personal phone -- a Google Android HTC Evo 3D, one of the fastest and most advanced pieces of cellular hardware currently on the market. 

I tweaked my phones operating system firmware, put together two crude yet highly effective software applications, overclocked my already blazing fast dual-core 1.2 GHz processor up to 1.6GHz, turned off my lockscreen, and added widgets and shortcuts galore to my home screen. The end result of my work being that no matter which of the five challenges laid out in the rules I was given, I would likely only have to hit one, and at the absolute most two, buttons before I could shout "Done!" and claim victory. I also knew, after a bit of research and having played with a handful of windows phones in the past, the minimal amount of buttons the Microsoft employee would have to hit is three, and at most six. The end result of my work caused my cell phone's home screen to look nothing like a setup any normal person would have, but which was perfect for meeting the criteria necessary to emerge victorious in the Windows Phone Challenge. 


There was no way I could lose... only, there was.

I walked into the Microsoft store at about 8:30, a half hour before they closed, to find that the challenge I would face was exactly the same as the one that Sahas Katta had encountered. I had hit the jackpot. The laptop was mine, Sahas would be avenged, and Microsoft would be shown that "just because" wasn't going to work the second time around.
I waited in line and walked up to the little table where the challenge was being done. I was asked what phone I had and would be challenging with, my HTC Evo 3D, then had my Drivers License checked and my contract/waiver reviewed and countersigned by the store employee, Christian.
Now, maybe it was because it was thirty minutes before the store closed and Christian just wanted to get out for the night, or maybe he had already had a really long day, or maybe he just made a slip up but here's what happened:

Christian (Microsoft Employee): The challenge is two pull up the weather in two different cities.
Me: Okay, got it. (Thinking, I've got this in the bag!)
Christian: So, you've probably already got the weather here (in Oak Brook) on your phone right?
Me: Yup
Christian: Think your phone can get the temperature here and in another city before windows phone can?
Me: Yeah, maybe.
Christian: Well let's see, when I say "go" unlock your phone and we'll see who wins
Me: Okay, got it.
Christian: Alright so the temperature in Oak Brook and another city...
Me: Right, I got it
Christian: Go! Oak Brook and Las Vegas!
Me: Done! (show him phone screen)
Christian: Done! (looks up see screen and stutters for a second in disbelief) I've got the temperature in Oak Brook at 45 degrees.
Me: Yup, I have the same. (still showing him my screen)
Christian: ..and I've got the temperature in Las Vegas at (some number) degrees.
Me: I've got the temperature in London at 46 degrees. (At this point, I'm smiling like an idiot.)
Christian: I said Oak Brook and Las Vegas
Me: What? I've got here and London?
Christian: Sorry, I said here and Las Vegas


Now, at this point I was bewildered because I had followed the rules, just like Sahas Katta did, yet somehow I was still being told that I had lost. I looked over at the woman who was standing next to me also taking the challenge and we exchanged mutual "what the heck's going on" looks, and I asked her what her challenge was. She replied, "same, temperature in two different cities, but I lost", with an emphasis on "I" that was very clearly directed at the two Microsoft employees operating the challenge. At this point I asked the other Microsoft Windows Challenge employee what cities he pulled up for his victory to which he replied "The two different cities I pulled up were Oak Brook and Paris, those are the two I use. It was then that Christian chimed in stating "yeah, two different cities, I use here and Las Vegas".
At this point I wanted to shout something like "well Oak Brook and London are the two different cities I use!" but rather than do that I just kept looking around quizzically, wondering what the heck had happened.
I had followed every rule and I should have won, but somehow, inexplicably, I was being told I had lost. Rather than make a big scene or a fuss, I argued for a solid minute but was constantly told "I use Oak Brook and Las Vegas, you had Oak Brook and London, London isn't Las Vegas". I am well aware that London is not Las Vegas, you never said anything about Las Vegas until after you said "go" and I had won -- I kept thinking to myself.
Finally, after this minute of confused yet surprisingly civil argument, (I do give the Microsoft Employees credit for that, both were very polite rather than telling me something such as "you lose just because" or "you lose, now step aside for someone else") I began to head toward the store exit. Just as I turned away from the table however, Christian told me "you basically had me, that's the closest I've seen to someone winning", and all I could think was I didn't basically beat you, I DID beat you.

I had been duped. Swindled. Cheated by a multinational corporation. There was nothing I could do.

But there was. I went home and immediately started complaining and yelling about the whole occurrence to my roommate. At that point, venting my frustration to him was the whole extent of my plan. I would scream and swear and curse Microsoft to him until I eventually forgot the whole incident and life returned to normal. Thankfully however, my roommate did not want to hear it and got fed up with me telling him about after about five minutes and told me:
"Dude, shut the hell up! I don't care! You lost, deal with it! Fuck, go bitch and moan on the internet or something if you want to, but stop talking to me about it already!"
So I did. I stopped shouting at my roommate and started screaming on the internet. I took to Reddit, Twitter, Facebook, and a variety of numerous technology blogs and forums, posting and emailing my story of swindle and cheat to anyone and everyone I could think of. Lo and behold my astonishment then, when somebody actually took notice in the medium I least expected them to; Twitter. In a medium of 140 characters or less, my venting had been noticed by a man named Ben Rudolph, a man I who I had never heard of before. He responded to my tweets by giving me his email address and asking me to pass along my story to him of exactly what had happened.

Ben Rudolph. The Man Who Noticed.

I searched on Google to find out just who this man, who had taken notice of my venting, was exactly and discovered that he was one of the head Windows Phone evangelists and a top tier customer support representative at Microsoft. So I sent my story to Ben and he responded telling me that the incident which occurred should never have happened and that he was going to check in with the Oak Brook store manager and that I should "stay tuned...". Roughly two days passed and after Ben and I exchanged a few more emails and tweets, I began to grow increasingly enraged at the fact that I was hearing nothing more from anyone except for Ben repeatedly telling me to "stay tuned...".

Having not heard a word from anyone except Ben -- who I had become convinced was simply sending me placating messages in an attempt to get me to calm down and thus quell the PR storm that had erupted when  Sahas Katta's story first hit the web -- I decided to take action. If I could not get anyone at Microsoft to listen to my complaints, I would send out my complaints across the web to anyone who would listen. I  began collecting stories from others who felt that they had been cheated in the Windows Phone Challenge and started to compile them in a wordpress blog. I then registered the domain name; WindowsPhonyChallenge.com and combined the wordpress blog, my story, the stories of others, as well as a handful of the news articles that had begun to pop up calling the contest out as a sham.


WindowsPhonyChallenge.com (Since Taken Offline)

After having put the site together, I emailed the link to Ben Rudolph along with a few terse and angry words, and told him that I intended to send a link to the site to every technology blog, news site, facebook wall, twitter group, tumblr post, and everything else I could think of if I did not hear back from him, or somebody at Microsoft, very soon.

It was only about three hours later that I received separate emails from Ben Rudolph, the Oak Brook Store Manager, the Oak Brook assistant store manager, the Windows Phone Challenge team, and a Microsoft Tier III Executive Escalations Engineer. Each of the emails which I received, said roughly the same thing:

Microsoft apologizes for the incident which occurred and we wish to immediately rectify the issue. We ask that you please visit the Oak Brook store location before you decide to take the site live across the internet.
Which can also be read as:

Oh Shit! Look, we didn't know you were gonna get this pissed off. We've already got a PR nightmare on our hands, please don't make this any worse and we will give you the laptop that we didn't the first time around.

 So, I ventured back to the store one last time, fully prepared to launch the website and spread it all over the internet if I did not receive an apology in person at the very least.  I was not exactly surprised then when I walked in and asked for the manager, a man named Steve, introduced myself, and was then immediately and profusely apologized to by him and the employees who had conducted the "Challenge". I was then handed the laptop I had won, but was not given, upon my first visit to the store and was further apologized to by seemingly everyone in the store.
















The $1,100 Special Edition "The Hunger Games" Laser Engraved Laptop

While this whole story may simply read as one guy who decided to bitch until he got his way (and I can see why it may come across as that), to me it is something else entirely. It is a lesson in the power of the mass media; how a proper utilization of the social media in its various mediums can level the playing field between the average individual and multinational corporations. Using, Twitter, Facebook, Blogs, and a website I created on my own, I was able to effectively get Microsoft to take notice of me and my complaints, particularly with the threat of making the issue even larger. Social media platforms across the internet are often seen as a tool, a tool that is bringing people together and that is helping them communicate. It is important to remember however, that just as singer-songwriter Ani DiFranco once said:

"Every tool is a weapon -- if you hold it right".

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Keeping Tabs

Privacy, one of the largest buzzwords of the twenty-first century, is a term which many individuals fear is currently in the midst of a rapid shift away from being a tangible concept denoting security and personal space to an obscure and antiquated word whose definition has all but lost its meaning. The reason for the numerous debates -- another of which seems to spring up almost every other week -- surrounding the issue of personal privacy has to do with the simple truth that, increasingly, more of our day to day lives are being either carried out on, or connected to, the internet.

Individuals are connecting with each other over the internet in new ways, and are doing so to a greater extent, each and every day. With the exponential growth we are having in online communications between friends, colleagues, family members, and even complete strangers; we seem to rarely, if ever, pause to consider if anyone is listening in on our conversations anymore. That is the greatest trick of social networking; the obtainment of a false sense of security in that the things we are saying to one person, or a select few people, are only being heard by those individuals. However, the actual reality -- that only those persons whom we are selecting to share information with are those who are receiving it -- is in fact quite the opposite. 

NEW TAB: Twitter.com


@Kplus87 Dude, Im writing for my Lit blog at the coffee shop & the hottest 
chick EVER just walked in. Get over here now youve got to see her!

With almost no exception, everything that  we do online is being tracked, cataloged and recorded. Numerous companies are compiling detailed dossiers on everything from what we are searching for, what we are buying, who we are talking to, what we are discussing, picture we are looking at, videos we have watched, and anything and everything else we have ever done online. The reason why this massive operation of data mining and compilation exists is for the sole purpose of selling us various products. The more activities which we perform online, the larger the amount of data on us grows, and the more personal data that companies have on is means the better they are able to target advertisements to us in their attempts to get us to spend money on their products.

NEW TAB: Tumblr.com
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When it comes to anything online there is an often unspoken rule which states; that if you are not the one buying the product, then you are the product being sold. This is the reason that so many of the various internet services and websites which individuals utilize on a daily basis are free of charge, as companies are keeping detailed logs of exactly what it is you are doing with their 'free' service so that they can turn around and sell your personal information and activities to any the numerous advertisers or businesses that are willing to pay for it.

NEW TAB: Google.com/mail
  • Banana Republic                  []       How to solve your workweek style dilemma
  • Live Nation                           []       Chicago Concert Update
  • Netflix                                   []       Netflix Reccomends: Star Wars Ep. 1
  • The Wall Street Journal        []       iPad Users: Get the WSJ app today!
  • Papa John's Pizza                []       Combo Meal Deal - Special offers inside!
  • Kelly Davison                        []       Please please edit my essay! (1 Attachment)
  • Groupon                               []       Movie-lover deals from Groupon
  • Macy's                                  []       Sale ends tonight! Extra 15% off specials!
  • Rgx45gtt67h                         []       Natural Penis Enhancement! ORDER NOW!
  • Ticketmaster                         []       Jon, See it Live: Tickets on sale this week
  • Binny's Beverage Depot       []       Hot Liquor, Wine & Beer Specials

This is the whole concept behind targeted advertising, if the companies who are trying to sell us things know more information about us, what we do, and what we like, then they will be better able to create and send or show us advertisements for the things we are likely to buy.

NEW TAB: Facebook.com
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Dave Bancroft accepted your friend request.
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                                Dave Bancroft:     Hey! Whatsup Jon! I haven't seen you since 
                                                             high school man, we should grab a beer 
                                                             soon and catch up buddy!

                                 Kelly Davison:      Do you know when the essay for prof 
                                                             Squarebeks class is due? I lost the assignment
                                                             handout. :-(

                               Jessica Renkas:    Hiiii! <3 <3

                                    Matt Tianca:    Are you going out to the bar with everyone on
                                                            saturday for Steves birthday? Cause I'm only 
                                                            going to go if you're going to go...

                                Kelly Davison:      Ugh! I cant believe professor Squarebek gave
                                                            us an essay assignment to do over the weekend!
                                                            What are you going to write yours on? I don't 
                                                            have any ideas at all. :-/ Im sooo confused! 

This is essentially what the privacy issue boils down to; it is a question of just how comfortable are we with the advertising companies and multinational corporations of the world to having all of this personal information about us sitting in their computer databases. It is a debate that is,

NEW TAB: Twitter.com

@Kplus87 She just left the coffee shop, man you missed out! Girl was 
freaking gorgeous! Looked like Natalie Portman but w/ a better rack. lol

in all likelihood, not going to be settled anytime soon. The fact of the matter is that all of the concerns over privacy will probably never be settled but rather will simply fade away after enough time passes. With every passing year there seems to be a dwindling of

NEW TAB: Google.com/mail
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  • Spotify Music                        []       You listened to U2, you might like: Coldplay
  • Banana Republic                  []       How to solve your workweek style dilemma
  • Live Nation                           []       Chicago Concert Update
  • Netflix                                   []       Netflix Reccomends: Star Wars Ep. 1
  • The Wall Street Journal        []       iPad Users: Get the WSJ app today!
  • Papa John's Pizza                []       Combo Meal Deal - Special offers inside!
  • Kelly Davison                        []       Please please edit my essay! (1 Attachment)
  • Groupon                               []       Movie-lover deals from Groupon
  • Macy's                                  []       Sale ends tonight! Extra 15% off specials!
  • Rgx45gtt67h                         []       Natural Penis Enhancement! ORDER NOW!
  • Ticketmaster                         []       Jon, See it Live: Tickets on sale this week

concern amongst people about the fact that their activities are being constantly recorded and collated to target them with advertisements. This lessening of concern is, to a certain extent, understandable as you have to

NEW TAB: Tumblr.com



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ask yourself; why does it really matter if they have this information? In my personal opinion, I am in

NEW TAB: Wired.com
(Recommended Articles For JLCaprice42)

                           1. Appeals Court Says Defendant Must Decrypt Laptop
                           2. New Patent Shows How Apple Could Make MacBooks Thinner
                           3. Will an Avalanch of iPads Crush Business Networks?
                           4. T-Mobile Announces LTE
                           5. Narrowing the Search for the Higgs Boson
                           6. Google to Replace Motorola Mobility Chief With One of Its Own
                           7. Geo-Location: The Tragedy of LightSquared
                           8. Sony's New Playstation Vita Tested and Rated
                           9. Judge Tosses Tesla's Case Against 'Top Gear'

no way bothered by the fact that all of this data is being collected.

NEW TAB: Twitter.com

@JLC42 Hahaha, dude, why didnt you ask her out or 
something??? You missed your chance you idiot! lol

NEW TAB: Facebook.com
(1 New Notification)
Kelly Davison wrote on your wall.

                                 Kelly Davison:     Thank you for looking over my essay!! xoxo

                                Dave Bancroft:     Hey! Whatsup Jon! I haven't seen you since 
                                                             high school man, we should grab a beer 
                                                             soon and catch up buddy!

                                 Kelly Davison:      Do you know when the essay for prof 
                                                             Squarebeks class is due? I lost the assignment
                                                             handout. :-(

                               Jessica Renkas:    Hiiii! <3 <3

                                    Matt Tianca:    Are you going out to the bar with everyone on
                                                            saturday for Steves birthday? Cause I'm only 
                                                            going to go if you're going to go...

NEW TAB: Google.com/plus

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NEW WINDOW

Here is why I am not bothered if companies collect data on what I do online: just like nearly all other members of the millennial generation, my online activities are incredibly spastic, largely unrelated, and occasionally are just totally non-sensical. Mining any individuals online activities for relevant and pertinent data is a process which -- like this posting -- requires combing through a large amount of data, the majority of which is irrelevant, crude, idiotic, comical, satirical, or any other number of things which have no real bearing on who I am (or on how I make purchases). So if a company is not only willing, but also somehow able, to sift through all the random things I say and do online all so that they can give me personalized advertisements and recommendations on various things I may like or want to buy then I say by all means, go right ahead.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

America's Next Top President

When discussions turn to politics there is a well worn phrase that is often bandied about which states; "there are two things that you don't want to let people see how you make them: laws and sausages". It is a fun little comparison which invokes the notion that the drafting of, discussions about, and congressional votes on, the bills and laws which govern our nation is an inherently dirty and disgusting process. The phrase is one that I have used more than a handful of times myself when discussing politics and government amongst various friends and peers, but now, having stopped to think about it I am unsure why I -- or anyone else -- uses it. The answer to why this phrase is still so often spoken in such conversations is something to which I, due to a habit of watching too many news programs and my current profession, may have found an answer. 

You are probably thinking at this point, "Wait just one second, there's no problem with using that phrase. It's completely appropriate." But is it really? Allow me to explain; for the past nine years I have worked at a small family owned butcher shop and have made more pounds of sausage than I can count. So, while I may not be a law-making politician, I am  a sausage-making butcher with a well developed understanding of half of the phrase, and in a comparative analogy such as this, it gives me  a certain level of license to discuss it as a whole. Given such license I can put my knife wielding skills to good use by taking a firm hold of this raw phrase and carving it up; cleaving off its head and slicing open its belly, smearing its blood across the table and spilling its guts out all over the floor.

Hold on a second, that sentence is going to make me vomit.

Actually, I am not going to do any of that, because in truth the process of making sausage has come a long way since the heydays of the gruesome Chicago stockyard and Upton Sinclair's The Jungle. Making sausage in this modern era is a significantly more sanitary process than it once was, and with the development of certain pieces of specialized machinery doing so is only slightly more difficult than pulling a lever and can be done quite easily by a single individual. Nowadays, the process is so clean and simple that the worst part of it is that the casings -- into which the sausage meat is stuffed -- are only kept fresh if they are stored in salt water; and if you get salt water underneath a fingernail it can sting like hell for a few seconds.

No, you did not misread that, it is indeed true that the ugliest, most disgusting, gruesome part of making sausage today is a slightly irritated index finger. With enough time everything advances and becomes increasingly more simple, or cleaner, or unobtrusive or any possible combination of those things. In fact, if an individual was to encounter the act of a sausage being made today, he or she would almost certainly not even bother to give it a second look because it has become such a boring and benign process. The same must also hold true for the process of making laws then, at least according to the comparative conclusion drawn by the 'laws and sausages' metaphor.

 What the fuck does any of this have to do with media?!

Only the comparison does not hold true in the slightest; the process of making laws, of elections, of candidate speeches, and of everything even remotely connected to politics is publicized and paraded around to such an over-the-top extreme that it is anything but boring and benign. Just as sausage cannot be made without the casing, neither can laws be made without the lawmakers, and the process of just obtaining that one, critical piece -- the law makers -- is so ridiculously encapsulating and encompassing that it could not be any farther from making a sausage. Political billboards, radio spots, television advertisements, lawn signs, button pins, catchy soundbites, memorable slogans, bumper stickers, town hall forums, nationally aired debates, the list runs on and on.

Modern American politics has become so aggrandized because it has reached a point of mediocrity that rivals any reality television program currently airing. The political system in this country is little more than just that -- an awful reality show -- starring one-dimensional actors dressed up in the costume of their respective political party, constantly shouting at one another and generally operating with little or no coherence to a plot line, all while typically acting like a  horse's-ass in their attempts to make the other guy look like, ironically enough, a horse's-ass. All of it is simply pageantry and theater performed for the amusement of the voting public in the same manner as shows such as American Idol, Survivor, or America's Next Top Model, and depressingly enough also like programs in the same vein as (God help us) The Jersey Shore.

The political process is viewed continuously by the American public due in no small part to the advent of twenty-four hour news channels which broadcast during every hour of every day. These networks such as CNN, MSNBC, Fox News, and various others make their profits by showing political stump speeches and rally events to the people if the nation and as such it is in their best interest to dress-up and glorify any and all political events. In making something like a presidential debate -- an event which during past eras was an actual debate -- a form of theatre, these various news (read: infotainment) channels are able to increase their viewership and thus their profit margins. 

If money is the root of all evil as it is so often said to be, then it would also seem to be the case that the pursuit of money is the root of all stupidity. In the desire for that next zero on their bank account statements, news networks have nearly ceased to deliver factual content in favor of a race to the bottom to appeal to that lowest common denominator of citizenry. What is arguably worse however is that we, the public, lap it up like a kitten at a milk bowl; all the while completely unaware of the fact that the milk turned sour long ago. Worse still is the sad reality that there is a significant percentage of the populace who, in their attempt to increase their knowledge, turn to these news networks for information and by doing so -- in a sickening twist of events -- are almost utterly mindless of the fact that by watching it they are becoming utterly mindless. 

The film that gave us two governors. Two.

Inevitably then, with the political stage being transmogrified into one of pageantry, the shift from politicians walking across it have become contestants in an all-too-real, reality television program. This change is not nearly as new as it would appear to be on its surface either, though it is certainly more prevalent and easily noticeable today than it has been in past decades; President Reagan was a former hollywood actor after all. A more recent example, the 2008 presidential election, brings the issue into an even clearer focus however and the actors who took the stage more closely resemble a casting of MTV's The Real World, than they did serious political candidates for the highest office in the land. 

Democrats
Hillary Clinton
The Yoko Ono of the democrat's roster, a woman of high intellect to be sure, but just as sure a candidate who was more than a little off of her rocker. Not to mention the fact that -- and let us be honest here as almost everyone believes this to at least some extent -- she was only a heavyweight contender due to her husband having been a former president, the same man who was also largely responsible for her being a bit crazier than average. (Having your husband cheat on you with a woman like Monica Lewinsky would be enough to drive most women crazy)

John Edwards - 
The seemingly normal, down to earth, typical politician. He came across as a man who stood for family values and a man who loved and cared deeply for his own family. Just which family of his it was though that he loved, cared, and stood for was the issue. 

Barack Obama -
The black guy, and I mean no disrespect to him (I voted for him after all) but he was supposed to be the sacrificial lamb -- or donkey as the case would have it -- to the impoverished sub-sects of the nation; proof that the party was still in touch with the people. He was only supposed to be the token candidate, killed off in the early primaries, but like L.L. Cool J in the film Deep Blue Sea he somehow and against all odds emerged after numerous seething attacks as the last man standing. 

Republicans
John McCain -
He was supposed to be your grandfather's candidate, a military veteran and long serving senator, the politician beyond reproach and the straight-talking voice of reason. What he actually was though turned out to be something else entirely; as during his run to the conservative right to appease the base of the party he sounded increasingly more like a crazed senior citizen who was yelling at the neighborhood kids for messing up his lawn. He certainly did not help matters either when he announced that the crazy cat lady of politics, Sarah Palin, was his pick for vice presidential nominee.

Mike Huckabee -
All politicians will take to the pulpit every now and again to preach their views on the issues facing the nation and the world. This one brought his own. The former arkansas governor and ordained baptist minister served the same role for the republicans as Barack Obama was supposed to do for the democrats; that of the sacrificial lamb reminding the party's base that it was still in touch with the nation. By the end Huckabee, having thumped himself in the head one too many times with his own bible, made the most evangelical of republicans feel like they were sinners and was ungracefully hooked off stage by the G.O.P.

Mitt Romney -
A mormon multi-millionaire former governor of Massachusetts, a state from one of the most notoriously liberal sections of the country, he was the head scratcher of candidates. No means to appeal to the christian base, too much money to re-run the "I'm a common folk like yall" which got President Bush Jr. elected, and with no serious appeal to the section of the country from which he drew his governorship credentials; the reason he was on stage was much the same reason that so many heavy metal bands have that one guy who just stands on stage next to the actual musicians excessively rocking his head and flailing his arms -- because he is entertaining and why the hell not have him?

These individuals define the state of affairs in American politics. A highly publicized media show that is highly entertaining, often violent, and carried out by an overflowing cast of incredibly mindless individuals -- all of which stands in a stark contrast to the act of making sausage. In this current age it is sad yet entirely plausible, in fact it is all too possible, that a celebrity like Jackie Chan would be elected before a political candidate such as Barack Obama. The even more depressing thing is that if the political status quo continues onward as it is, the blurring between the lines of the political stage and the stage of the professional actor will quite simply cease to exist. To paraphrase the words of the French philosopher, Alexis de Tocqueville; "a democracy ensures not that people get the best government, but rather that they get the government that they deserve", which if true, means this nation may soon find itself the laughing stock of the international community unless the status quo changes very quickly and very, very soon. 

Vote Chuck Norris in 2012. Because Bald Eagles nest in his beard.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The 4 Most Uncool People On Earth

While the focus of this blog is primarily situated upon the mediocrity inherent in mass media, I think it is necessary to shift gears every now and again. After all, with the often overwhelming "good enough" state of affairs in the various outputs of modern media it is, I believe, important to examine the rare gems that from time to time emerge as being exemplary, interesting or uniquely provocative.

The outlier in this post is interestingly paradoxical, highly provocative and, depending on your personal opinion, an epitome of the utmost exemplary or an incarnation of utter inferiority. The outlier is the Irish rock band U2; and no matter your opinion about their music, their politics, their preaching, or Bono's sunglasses, the one label you cannot stick them with is mediocre.

Mediocre? The stage on their last tour was a massive neon space ship.

In a piece written just over two decades ago for Rolling Stone, the magazine of repute for defining what is musically "cool", the now long time producer of U2, Brian Eno, wrote about just what it is that has made the band so incredibly pervasive and polarizing. Eno's article is stuck in amongst the various other columns written by the magazine's permanent staff of rock journalists -- the self-appointed guardians of culture -- and like a lead foot to a bass drum he kicks off the piece with a loud statement.
"Cool, the definitive '80s compliment," he wrote, "sums up just about everything U2 isn't. The band is positive where cool is cynical, involved where it is detached, open where it is evasive. When you think about it, in fact, cool isn't a notion that you'd often apply to the Irish... the Irish [are] terminally uncool: cool people stay 'round the edges and observe the mistakes and triumphs of uncool people." -- Rolling Stone, Nov. 1991
When he stated that U2 is pretty much uncool, Brian Eno made a massive understatement; the band is incredibly uncool. Make no mistake about it either, this is a man who understands what it takes to be cool. An established guru of rock and roll, Eno's credibility on the issue is immutable, established by his masterful work on albums such as the Talking Heads' absorbingly detached Remain In Light, and David Bowie's seminally experimental Berlin Trilogy. U2 is a band that has never been cool, they have absolutely no chance of ever becoming cool, and that is an integral factor in defining their unique paradox. Bono, the Edge, Larry Mullen Jr, and Adam Clayton are four of the most uncool people on the planet but together they comprise one of the best selling, most played, highly discussed bands in rock and roll history. 

This uncool collage of individuals who together create one of the largest musical acts the world has ever known is not the only paradoxical situation the band finds itself in. U2 is a group perpetuated throughout nearly every single medium that mass media has to offer; physical albums, digital singles, movies, music videos, picture books, autobiographies, t-shirts, billboards, radio play, the list continues ad infinitum. Yet, for a band so firmly entrenched in the mainstream, they are constantly breaking out of its wake. Tracing back through the early releases of their discography, a clear understanding and appreciation can be gained for just how outside of the mainstream the music of this, paradoxically, mainstream band is. 

Boy (1980) & October (1981)
U2's first and second albums. Both are potent mixtures of adolescent frustration laced with sexual undertones and the spirituality of Christian theology and ideologies. Frustration and sex are fairly typical archetypes for the albums of any rock and roll band; but by mixing in aspects of religion and then infusing them with melodies and lyrics stemmed from the raw emotion of the death of Bono's mother when he was 14, U2 -- true to their uncool fashion -- cracked the mold.  

War (1983)
The third album. War took the musical mold which had already been cracked by Boy and October, smashed it with a hammer, threw the pieces down in the middle of the road and promptly drove over them with a semi-truck. Then threw the semi-truck in reverse just for good measure. A politically overt album composed of militaristic drumbeats and harsh guitar riffs, speaking on incidents such as the Bloody Sunday massacre in Ireland's second largest city as well as the Polish Solidarity movement, the album stood in a stark contrast to the youth and spirituality so inherent in the bands previous releases and marked the beginning of the first 180 degree turn U2 would make in their career. 

The Unforgettable Fire (1984)
Enter: Brian Eno. The Unforgettable Fire was a marked change from previous releases and carried on the musical shift begun by War. An album of abstract experimentation, it combines the ambient sounds of perverted pop music with the storytelling of an operatic crescendo. The subverted pop marches of its opening tracks, A Sort Of Homecoming and Pride, continue and build over the length of the album until the records closing hymn, a rock and roll Ave Maria which Schubert himself would admire, MLK.

The Joshua Tree (1987)
U2's fifth studio release. A world-conquering album. 'Nuff said.

Rattle And Hum (1988)
A live studio album with companion rockumentary, it was largely a dead end for the band. Criticism was harsh, often denoting the album as being self-aggrandizing, pretentious, misguided and monotonous. It was also, true to form, thoroughly uncool; the film in particular with its scenes of Bono attempting to teach guitar to blues legend B.B. King and with images of drummer, Larry Mullen Jr, openly weeping at the grave of Elvis Presley. For any other band this would have been the beginning of end, they had reached their peak with The Unforgettable Fire and The Joshua Tree and were now destined to fade away having left their echo to the winds of the world.

But they did not fade away, instead U2 successfully pulled off a feat that few other bands in history have ever even attempted to undertake: a wholesale transformation. U2 emerged onto the music scene with their own unique and personal twist to the typical rock album, they developed it, experimented with it, and eventually mastered it. When they reached their apex and began to fall into a tumbling descent the band decided not to simply ride the path downward, cashing in for as long as possible along the way, but rather set out to create for themselves a new musical trajectory. 

Recapturing the transformative powers and experimental ideas that lead them to global acclaim with their fourth and fifth studio albums, U2 went back into the recording booth. Three years after the Rattle And Hum disaster, a point at which any other band would have broken apart, given up or sold out, U2 reemerged in 1991 with Achtung Baby. This seventh studio album, a record which by all rights should have been an utterly spectacular flop, was received with open arms by critics heaping it with praise. It is no wonder the record was openly welcomed as the album features head-snappingly metallic guitar textures that are overlaid with the pristine and disarming feelings of a psychological breakthrough. 

Bono. Before the band's psychological breakthrough. 

Followed up by the release of Zooropa (1993), U2 proved once again that they were not going to settle for mediocrity and other bands took notice; after all, an album like Radiohead's Kid A (2000), an album of significant shift and from deep left field for the band, does not happen without the complete and overwhelming transformative influences -- and proof that such transformation can, in fact, be done successfully -- of Achtung Baby and Zooropa. U2 would soar higher than any band ever had, or they would sink to the bottom depths of the ocean, but on no account would they ever be willing to join the mass mindlessness of the majority of modern music. 

A pattern of continued experimentation, fearlessness for reinvention, and willingness to risk failure continues throughout the rest of the bands discography. While some albums succeed where others flounder, these traits are what simultaneously make U2 incredibly uncool and extremely appealing; nobody is ever quite sure what the next album will be. Uncertainty is not cool, change is not cool,  struggling is not cool, and U2 is a band that has always struggled to change itself even if its members are uncertain just what direction that change is going to take them. 

This is the reason critics will hail them for an album like Zooropa and can forgive them for an album like Pop (1997). It is the reason their fans get both nervous and excited after hearing their latest album, No Line On The Horizon (2009), which is reminiscent of The Unforgettable Fire with its pop-march opening tracks and opera-esque finale. This particular structuring of No Line On The Horizon is perhaps a hint at the fact that its followup may be another world-conquerer in the same fashion as The Joshua Tree. It is the reason for understanding why Bono and the Edge would want to test out the waters of musical theatre by dipping their toes into a Broadway adaptation of Spiderman. It lends an appreciation to why the band would release a soundtrack to a movie that was never made; a film which never had any intent or plan for actually being made. (Original Soundtracks 1 was released by U2 under the alternate band name Passengers in 1995.)

Mediocrity is the antithesis of U2 and regardless of if you love them or hate them they are a band, one of the last in the world, that is still left from the album-oriented era of music and have not been sucked into the modern age of the 99¢ auto-tuned iPod single -- holding out like that, by the way, is pretty uncool of them.  Forever the sworn enemy of that which is average, Bono himself put it better than I ever could when he accepted the Grammy Award for Zooropa in 1993 stating; "I'd like to give a message to the young people of America; we shall continue to abuse our position and fuck up the mainstream". 

God speed U2, fuck up the mainstream of the world before it fucks us all up. God speed.

Most people won't lift a finger to fight mediocrity. Bono will.